Monday, 6 June 2011

The baby dilemma

Had this insanely irritating conversation with an old classmate and had to vent out my feelings - right here, right now.
Do you have any idea what it is to be 30+, married and not have a child in India? Its just one step short of nightmare!
Trust me, I am in the same spot, I know what I am talking about. Forget relatives, in-laws, neighbourhood aunties, ex-neighbourhood aunties (yes, they still haunt you when they bump into you at some common arena) old classmates, parents of old classmates, these days I have a gut feeling that very soon the stray dogs whom I interact with while serving them their daily glucose biscuit snack will soon join the club and enquire the dreaded question “Isn’t it time you plan a family?”

Tell me, why do people keep referring to babies as ‘family’? For me the immediate connection is Mario Puzzo. You know “the family”…sounds so very ‘Godfatherish’ for God’s sake!
This “why am I not having a baby” has reached such mammoth irritating proportions that last month while I was on chat with this guy who was my official boyfriend when I was a giggly 20 year old, had his opinion (totally unsolicited of course) on why I should get serious about planning a child blah blah. Just imagine ex boyfriend, who was total juvenile type also thinks he has a right to lecture me on this topic! Where is the world coming to?

Don’t get ideas; I love kids. It’s just that my husband prefers puppies! No, I am quite serious. He is always terribly happy when the discussion is around dogs, but mention a baby and he starts sulking like one. And I am not sure whether this is a trend amongst guys these days, but I actually know a few couples who are in the same place – the women think babies are great, their husbands think the pets they have are greater!
I actually wanted to have a baby even when I was a baby. Like when I was seven year old types. Of course, then I used to think that all you have to do is request God and he will ensure that the next morning there will be a cuddly chubby baby on our doorstep. At that age everything looked simple!
Alas, then you grow up and realize that amongst various other problems that will plague you ‘not being able to have a child / make up your mind on having a child’ will be of utmost importance – whether you like it or not.

There are issues pertaining to health / finance / work-life balance etc that one has to take into consideration. The stark realities of life.  
Am sure most of us who are in the ‘so when do we finally take the big step’ mode will have a child one day..but till then, please let me breathe and stop hounding me with these inane questions. And no, I do not feel like discussing the condition of my ovaries and fallopian tubes and the other complex reproductive mechanism stuff with all and sundry! Don’t people have a life?  Or is the situation like a school friend of mine summed up the other day, “Babe, the only reason why I am asking you to have a child is because I am so hassled with my 3 year old and his non stop tantrums that I would love to see you in the same situation” – so much for being your OLD friend;) You expect love and kindness not perversion from them!

I am aware my biological clock is ticking, I am aware that with age managing a child becomes more difficult and the various other associated  pitfalls for having a child late in life; but all said and done I will have a child only when me and my husband (the puppy prefer-er) think it’s the right time!
Till then you inquisitive nosy fellas and motherhood, hold on to your horses, I say!

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