These days I am on a pleased-with-myself trip. I finally seem to have a solution. Umm, not exactly a concrete one but what the heck as long as it works for me, I have every right to call it a solution. Well, in a nutshell what I have decided is that instead of spending hours chatting (physical or virtual hardly makes a difference) with my very sensible (V-E-R-Y) girls gang, I will also pen down thoughts and feelings on a very intriguing, mind boggling helluva topic called “Marriage” in a diary format! Twist is it is a diary written like a letter addressed to all the souls who will care to read it – thus ‘blogging’ is the solution that I have been looking forJ
Look writing a diary at my age (when you cross the 30 mark, you feel as if you have earned the right to keep using the phrase “at my age” at every given opportunity) may seem well a lot of things to a lot of people. But I have always appreciated diary writers and I have a sneaking feeling that when I read it years from now - the trivia, trials and tribulations, I will have a hearty laugh over my favourite drink.
Little background:Anne Frank was an inspiration. Like whole lot of school girls I have tried following her footsteps by maintaining a diary, but then when you are 10-11 year old, there is only that much that happens in your life! There is a limit to how many promises you make for doing your homework on time and secretly wish for your friend’s special talent in catching grasshoppers. Being a little imaginative amongst my friends I had even wished for a small scale war or semi apocalypse (well a full fledged version seemed too ghastly) and also a baby brother to be delivered in my doorstep (wrapped in a lovely pink blanket in a wicker basket) but thank God, those were just crazy 11 year old thoughts! Actually, when I suddenly found my long lost diary and actually read that part, I think I was confused whether I wanted a baby brother or a puppy – descriptions for both seems to have merged!
Since I plan to jot down and share my thoughts on the interesting institution (INSTITUTION – just hear the damn sound of it) called ‘marriage’, I may as well start with the very topic itself.
Look, this is not going to be one of those “12 ways to tell whether your husband loves you” or “20 tips on how to make your husband lust for you” types, this is about finding humour in a very serious scenario (come on dude, marriage is serious business!) and discussing marriage and men (my only gay friend is yet to marry so this is mostly about heterosexual experience in marriage/s) in a realistic manner. Realistic translated in simple words mean, this can partially be treated as a forum where one can crib (to one’s heart’s content) about THE husband/ in laws/ men and their irritating habits which you come to know only when you start living with them etc etc. Okay, just so that I not sound like a ‘Mahila Mukti Morch’a type, I plan to include (in bits and pieces) my male friends observations on their respective wives or married women in general.
You see, till about three years back, my sole reaction to ‘marriage jokes’ - the ones your married friends keep smsing and mailing you incessantly was a ‘smirk’. I did not find them that laugh worthy though I was aware that the intention was to crack you up. I believe we need to be honest (at least 80%; I mean after all there is a difference between a diary and a confession box!) so let me be frank; I never really understood the ha-ha quality of the aforementioned jokes, so ‘smirking’ was the best I could do.
But that was then.
So much has changed in these three long (long= zillion) years. Situations have changed, I have changed and of course my sense of humour has evolved. Oh yes, ‘evolved’ sounds so much better than catty! Ahem, I have been married for three years.
These days I wait for those stale (they seem new every time I read them) jokes. They make my day. Nowadays when I read them, I holler, giggle and indulge in full throat-ed gurgling laughter, depending on their fun quotient. Regarding the real funny ones, I even call close buddies (only the married ones) and read them aloud so that one can indulge in collective high pitched laughter.
Man, it is only now that I have joined the bandwagon that I truly appreciate them. They are indeed funny. True slice-of-life stuff.
I marvel at the talented people who sum up this institution with appropriate one liners. Let me share a select few whopper one liners.
‘My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met’. (Hahaha)
‘Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornadoes
and hail’. (Hahahahaha)
And of course a killer one – ‘Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry
women hoping they will not’ - Albert Einstein.
ROFL. His jokes are as good as his inventions. Bless his soul.
You basically get the picture. You need to be married (at least once) to fully decode the above lines and laugh realizing the situation (‘situation’ is way better than ‘mess’, if you know what I mean) you are in. Have you noticed that married people laugh the loudest in a stand up comedy show when ‘marriage related’ sarcastic, merciless jokes are cracked? Its because sitting in the dark while someone else’s leg is being pulled, we -the married ones, empathize with all our heartJ
There are days when I think my husband is cute. No, cutest. And I also think he is funny (in a goofy way) and caring and honest and gosh so much better than so and so. There are days when I sincerely wish that he should go unaided to the terrace and jump from there. On his own. Be a martyr for freaking me out! There are days when I feel at peace being in this marriage and there are also days when I feel I am in a total mess and wonder “will it be better if I walk out’?
Dude, marriage is the scariest roller coaster I have ridden till date. I am yet to visit all the theme parks across the globe, so let me know if there is a scarier ride in one – will keep it in my to-do list before I kick the bucket! My conclusion is that maze called marriage will either kill us or liberate us – am yet to understand which direction mine is headed.
But then I also look at the brighter side. The learning's stuff. Marriage has truly been an eye opener.
Till I was married, I had no inkling that men have immense capacity to sulk. They can, they do and also succeed in getting their way while at it! I never thought that a guy can find cockroaches eeky enough to pretend (like my husband) that he did not see it crawling in the kitchen sink, lest he is expected to take care of it. I did not realize that ashtrays and toilet pots are same; that both are used to sniff out cigarette butts. Or that towels need to be dried on the bed. Or the fact that asking someone to accompany you to weekly grocery shopping gets similar looks as if you have asked him to join real Mafia (not the stupid FB game silly). Or that ‘watching a cricket match’ and ‘meditating’ are totally similar; not meant to be spoken to or disturbed at all while one is doing either!
I also did not realize that if you have a bad dream or felt scared in one, all you have to do is wake up and roll over and hug the person next to you. There! And go back to sleep knowing you are safe. Or know that someone will make you chicken stew while you are working on an important presentation middle of the night and have no time to even move from the laptop. Well, the soup may be served in a non-soup bowl (my husband has no clue or so he says about placements of things in our house including utensils) but it will be warm and what you needed at that point to keep going! Or that you can call each other by mindless pet names and giggle over it (sharing top secret kind of giggle) or that someone will wait up for you when you come home late from work; even if all the cushions are piled on top of each other rather than where they should be and the house looks like a mini tornado said hello to it sometime back!
But, all said and done, I believe that when we marry we make a choice. A choice, to grow up and be responsible, not just for oneself, but also for one’s spouse. You see, its not just age but even marriage that is contributing to my wisdom these daysJ.
So, mighty reader accompany me while I navigate the twists and turns of the massive marriage maze …am sure its going to be one holy molly fun ride!