FYI: This blog is not an online version of ‘comedy store’. Seriously! I have been getting feedback that junta is finding it funny, LMAO, ROFL etc. You know how everyone talks in acronyms these days, which if you ask me is very weird. Anyways, the point I am trying to make is this is a forum to discuss and decode a very, very serious topic like ‘marriage’.
Do read the rest of the entries with a somber expression! At least try. I mean if you guys can’t take something like marriage seriously, what hope is left!!
LOL. Now that I am done, let’s proceedJ
An old friend visited earlier this week. We were meeting face-to-face after a long period and hence there was a lot of gossip that needed trading.
Conversation veered to old friends who are still unmarried. Yes, we sounded like protagonists from Ekta Kapoor stable; discussing very aunty-like, boring and nothing-better-to-do-with-life topic. I admit, am a bit embarrassed to broach the subject but definitely not ashamed, mind you. While at it we realized that all the common friends who are nearing mid 30’s (God, we are indeed getting OLD) and are single and available and not happy with the single status are the ones who always had a penchant for the quasi Don Juan types.
They somehow had this tremendous self belief that they could convert Mr. Cool-and-wild to Mr. Responsible-and-domestic. Nadan bacche! I am not being patronizing; I truly think that it was one of their biggest miscalculations while they got into one relationship after another presuming it to be the “THE ONE”.
Description of Quasi DJ: suave, charming, kind of intelligent, well dressed, well read (some are), earns enough dough to take GF’s for dinner/ lunch at fancy places, some are fancier and actually offers international vacations, tad bit over protective (at least they definitely enact that part) can flirt, a little wild side to them, drives car/ bikes faster than usual, thrives on being impulsive, experimental in bed etc etc. In a nutshell, lots of qualities to sweep you of your feet!
Point is, while these types may seem very attractive during ‘dating’ phase, they invariably back out when it comes to finally tying the knot. Various reasons – commitment phobia, hypocritical, does not have the balls to stand by their decision are a few that I can think of, right now.
I know quite a few, who eventually stated while dumping their GF’s that while going around with girl / s who are smart, attractive, a lil wild on the side like them was fun, but ‘shaadi ke liye to papa-mummy ke choice ko bhi include karma chahiye’. Papa-Mummy of course had a very different idea of what ‘bahu’ should be like. Tch, tch. Unfortunately, by the time this wisdom struck these guys, the girl in question was already heartbroken. Of course, there are a few who went ahead and got married but more often than not news of their still being wild and attending convenient business meetings at wee hours in the night in the company of women does its rounds! Bigger joke is that their wives actually pretend to believe them!! And it not hearsay, I actually personally know such couples.
Looking back, my selection criterion for my first boyfriend was – tattoos, bike and well...he did have a noticeably good physique. I was 21 and one has every right to be vain and like guys because they look delicious. But never in my dreams did I think of marrying him. OMG, he was nice, sweet, bought me chocolates etc but very irresponsible. Trust me, even he used to admit he is irresponsible! And that is a hell of a criterion while one selects a husband. You may want a hot guy as your husband but you would rather if he is responsible!
What we both concluded is that there needs to be different criterion for selecting a boyfriend vis-à-vis husband. And unfortunately a doting boyfriend does not always convert himself into a doting husband. I agree it is the IDEAL situation, but alas ideal seldom takes place in real life. Women need to get a grasp and understand that while making choices they need to be a bit more practical.
Our respective husbands may be a bit of a goofball, semi forgetful (does confuse birthdays, anniversary etc), refuses to go for a manicure (in other words not always well groomed) and have given up riding bikes (except while visiting Goa) but well….they are around when needed. And yes, they do remember to pay the electricity and phone bills on time and does massage your feet if you are terribly fatigued at the end of the day, albeit with a sulk!
So here is our pearl of wisdom. Girls have fun, while in your 20s. Be with the Don Juans, let them woo you, check out ‘how to have fun” road. But know when to back out. Life is not about “Lived happily ever after”. Life is about making choices that help you lead a meaningful life. So if you want a regular marriage (watching TV in the evening, going grocery shopping over the weekends etc) then opt for the sensible, responsible men in your circle. Don’t keep waiting trying to convert Mr Juan to someone he cannot be. Learn to move on, there is definitely someone who may not be able to fulfill all your crazy fantasies but will definitely try to make you happy in his own way!