For God's sake, get up, stand up!

‘Get up, stand up: stand up for your rights!

 Get up, stand up: don't give up the fight’

                           - Bob Marley

What is with men and violence? And with women who want to play the victim? Seriously, can’t either of them get a life?

A friend recently mailed me a link; one of those forwards where people want you to be a part of a movement by clicking on the link and showing your unconditional (well, whatever) support. So this cause, is for a deceased lady who was a resident of some fairly up-market place in Gurgaon who seems to have either committed suicide or was forced to do so by her philandering husband and indifferent-to-her-woes in-laws.

By Jove, this is an educated, working, woman-of-the-world person we are talking about; not the dozens of women who languish in remote parts of our country, who neither have an education nor means to support themselves and hence has no choice but to put up with mental, emotional, sexual abuse in a marriage. What left my mouth agape was when one has the option to support oneself (maybe not grandly but yes one can definitely manage a basic accommodation and three meals) by working, and in this case the lady had a job which means she was capable of earning her own living, then why was she taking shit from her husband for the last few years?

Why not walk out on a marriage that is anyway full of abuse? Why wait for a loser who is anyway disrespecting you by conducting an affair while being married to you and adding physical violence to the marriage and generally behaving like an oaf? Is it not obvious to these women that their husbands are not going to turn back and become the ideal husband; someone who can kick you, beat you and cheat on you was never an ideal human being in the first place, forget being an ideal husband.

And then, there is always the classic argument put forth by a whole lot of women who are in an abusive marriage. “How can I get out of the marriage, my child needs a balanced environment”; dude in an ‘environment’ where dad is hitting mom or insulting her in various other innovative / age old ways, how can any child grow up ‘balanced’?

Alas, feminism, it seems has not been able to teach what it was meant to. I can empathize with women who were burnt at the stake in the name of Sati or the ones who are still being killed in the name of honour/ dowry etc. But seriously, isn’t it time women stopped whining and started taking concrete steps to combat abuse hurled at them? Why keep pining for help from others? What about self help?

However, not all is lost, it seems.

Two weeks back, I and my husband spent 3 hours running between a local police station, our home and that of one of my friend’s. She had already filed for divorce and that particular evening, her soon-to-be-ex-husband landed up at her apartment, broke open the door and physically assaulted her. He has an anger management issue and there have been a couple of nasty situations in their marriage earlier too. Then one fine day, she just decided that it is indeed enough and went ahead and took a call to go their separate way. Yes, she has been feeling low (no one I know was ecstatic while filing for divorce), things looked very bleak, she does not have family or close friends living in the same city hence is more vulnerable emotionally, but then one cannot go on depending on others to fight their own wars. So yes, some of the women are finally taking a stand and sticking to it; truly admirableJ

I strongly feel that it is high time for women all across the globe specifically India, to wake up from their victimhood slumber. High time they took control of their life in their own hands and realize that one of the damn important ingredients that helps one become a good wife and a mother is to have ‘self respect’ – a good dose of it. Oh and by the way, women who have self respect are not the same as women with ‘ego’ and ‘attitude problem’!